Unfantastic

I wouldn\’t know how
Was told not to wonder 
or worry about that
when it is all I do
let it go, I didn\’t know,
I may not want to know
your truth
given anyways springing from catapulted omissions
driven through banks bursting
open
walls as doors and windows gaping clustered in skeletal defiance of will
mystery brimmed in the waking from one dream into dreams undreamt.  
he knew what was meant
  It\’s the cleaved idea unrobed that confirmed my life long slumber peppered with other
round-eyed parts.
she espied many lovelies, 
a few she caught, 
four ? no more than that
it matters not
She is where she is
and busied to the stillness of checkmarks 
and solidly buried or assuredly drowned
out of something new 
but never believed to have anything anyways
after the pulling panic and pushed paperwork
Continued longings beyond possibilities presented 
after (?triumphs) past; 
years of hope failure and scrutinized senses of deserving consequences.  
Of loving beyond exhaustion, needing and doing more, 
and wanting less 
Real danger at the door
Anger bore
Waves ridden frigid and foul
Now given as agreed
Knowing that apart
We\’d bleed out
Just enough
After the skimming
away \”yeses\” and unconvincing \”maybes\” and dealing all the \”no-s\” and \”not this times\”
Anger rises in those
Left redemption-lessly blamed 
no matter who is at fault.
You can only reassemble your dreams so many times
Before they stop resembling
What got you dreaming
That which endures wins
Or so we are told when we ready ourselves at some chalked mark

I know there is more 
it has everything to do 
with living with and loving what 
you have and who you are 
Dare request to be loved best for one moment before
hitting that big exit door?
From within first
And without forever
A life favored
And dreamt of 
In twisted and fitful 
scenes savored

(2015 J.E.Todd)

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